The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth

No, seriously, we will.  If there is any doubt, I’m here with a set of PowerPoint slides a customer actually dared me to create to show them I could make a useful analogy about anything under my purview.  So they said:

Fine, then show us concepts from “IT as a Service” explained through Star Wars memes.

Game.  Fucking.  On.  First up, why we need ITaaS in the first place…

The Death Star would have been a bit too subtle

IT as the Trade Federation

Because, hey, let’s start strong.  Get past the easy targets though and Episode One has a lot more material to mine.  What about a two-fer…

This is what I imagine in my head when I say ITaaS

ITaaS Hype Cycle – A New Hope

But just like the prequels…

This is what I think when OTHER PEOPLE say ITaaS

ITaaS Hype Cycle – Hopes Dashed

Can tripe be cartoonish?  Apparently so, according to exhibit 1, above.  Still there are other topics to explore, like the concept of IT as a Service Broker.  People have a hard time understanding this one for some reason.  Well, that was before the “Star Wars Meme Machine” arrived…

The Emperor is the "Customer" in this example

IT as a Service Broker

I think having Darth Vader play the role of IT in this example is perfectly fitting.  On a serious note, was there really any doubt who the big winner would be here?  You’ve got mummy face, two robots, a dude with rubber feet-boots…and BOBA FETT.  No contest.

Enough.  What about all those whiny pearl clutchers who can’t stop harping about Cloud Security as they hand over their credit card to pay the lunch bill?  Here you go…

Two Parsecs, Two Meters...what's the difference?

Cloud Security

I’ll tell you where to put that Womp Rat.  Did you know most credit card authorization and many card applications go through a cloud somewhere?  Of course you didn’t, because you’re still whining about Sony and that one time your grandmother got socially engineered out of her pension.

I’m not done yet.  Eat this, George Lucas…

Yes he fucking did.

Han Shot First

Yes.  Yes he did.

Finally, something I keep telling my clients to cease and desist: building services like they’re Kevin Costner begging for an epic Ty Cobb verbal beatdown.  You’re not a genius and don’t listen to that idiot who thinks their slick service catalog will solve all your problems without some evidence to support it because…

Did you not read the caption?  It's a fucking trap.

It’s a Trap


You got that one, right?  I’ve only seen one client build a cloud service offering without customer input that worked.  And that only worked because he was a dick who took it all away after 30 days, creating this sick cycle like Lucy and the football with his abused and codependent customers.

So on this May the Fourth, remember: obscure and poorly constructed analogies are my specialty.  If they make you understand the material better and buy things from my employer, I’ll whore myself out ceaselessly for the cause.

See you at Denver Comic Con!  Energize!


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